Alone on Christmas

I haven't spent a Christmas at home with my family since the year 2004. I typically see at least my parents in December, but it's hit and miss with my other family. For all those Christmas Days (aside from 2006 when I was recovering my ACL surgery) I got to spend my day performing for other families and putting smiles on their faces. Since I've transitioned in work, I no longer have to give up my holiday.

Today has been rather surreal. I don't have a single thing that I have to do. I'd like to go visit with friend's and enjoy a delicious dinner with some of what you may call my "adopted" family, but when it comes down to it, I don't have to. I don't have a significant other either. So here I find myself. Staring at my Christmas Tree. Not wanting to open the couple of gifts under there for me (I did my main gift exchange a week ago when my parents were in town) because I know that once I do it's over. However, at the same time I have the desire to just put all of my decorations away now.

It's a weird feeling. Neither bad, nor good. Very different than my usual Christmas feeling. I have great time to reflect and the good news is, that what I reflect upon is peaceful and happy. Of course I have had some time to reflect on some of the things that didn't go so well this year and on people that I miss because this year, we just no longer took the time to maintain what we had. It's a strange place in my life. Which occurs as one gets older and everyone begins to get married and have babies, especially when you feel at times they are advancing and you are just standing still. Overall though, I am very happy with my life. I have been blessed with many wonderful people and to me, that is the reason of the season. To recognize the love that is all around us, and spread the love and joy ourselves.

Merry Christmas to you or yours! Or Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza etc.

Thankful?

3 days ago was Thanksgiving. The time when most of America gets together with family to eat, watch football and probably argue. This year I was fortunate to get to spend my Thanksgiving with my sister and get away from home. I hadn't left home for the holidays in almost 6 years! Since I live thousands of miles from where most of my family is, this was kind of a big deal for me. The mini vacation ends today, but I must say overall it was a good one. Not perfect, but that is probably just because things were different. This time I stayed with her and her live-in boyfriend. Who did we spend Thanksgiving with? Her live-in boyfriend's brother and wife. Yay for a few days of feeling like the 5th wheel! It could have been worse though and I cherish the opportunity that I was able to spend some time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

On the days leading up to Thanksgiving, I spent a lot of time reflecting. I had a very rough year and last year at this time I wasn't exactly happy. I have been very fortunate the last couple months. While things are never perfect, I'm learning, growing and seeing blessings around every corner. It's easy to feel down and like the world is out to get you. What most people don't realize is that it's actually really easy to feel as though you hold the world in your hand. My message to you this holiday season is to look at all of the blessings in your life. Yes the bills may be piled high, you may have lost your job, you or someone you love's health may be deteriorating; but cherish the blessings! It may be hard to see but even if you feel as though you've hit rock bottom, I promise you there is at least one great blessing in there. Find it, and focus your energy there. After a while, you will realize that the rest will just start falling into place.

I wish you the most positive and happy of holidays, you'll be surprised how much you can accomplish when you focus on the positives and allow yourself the happiness you deserve.

Experience Expired

As you all probably know, the economy has seen better days. Of course me, being as brilliant as I am, decided that in the midst of this, would be the perfect time to search for a new job. A year and half later I realized I hadn't thought things through. In my younger days (not that I am really old) I never really had a problem getting a job, but this time my sights were set higher. I wanted more than just a job, I wanted a real "career". At first, I searched for my dream job. After about 9 months I thought I'd landed it - until a month and half later when the guy hadn't paid me. I had a number of odd jobs and jobs that didn't pay much. It helps that I have connections in the entertainment world so I was able to do dance gigs and still perform in shows that I am trained in, so at least I wasn't completely destitute. Of course this caused problems in many aspects of my life but we won't get into that because it would veer me too far from my subject. You see, I really enjoyed performing. Which is why after college when I had a great career in finance for a very large company practically handed to me, I turned it down to go get performing out of my system. My thoughts being, "might as well do it while I'm young and I can." Mind, I don't regret that decision but after 5 years performing, I began to wonder what I could put on my resume that would be relevant and current. Turns out, not much of anything.

Of course I had credits to put on for the entertainment positions I applied for but as far as office work was concerned, forget it! Still, I made do with what I had. I had a number of job interviews which brought about a new experience for me; interviewing and not being offered the position. That hadn't really happened to me before. A few weeks ago I finally marched into a temp agency and said, "Who do I need to get my resume to to be considered to work for your company?" The woman behind the desk said, "We really don't see anyone unless they have an appointment." I mentioned to her how I was done submitting my resume to the abyss that was the Internet and I wanted to make sure that someone had a copy of my resume in their hands. She just kept telling me how they don't see people without an appointment and then the receptionist came back to the desk and the two of them (seeming reluctant) set me up an interview for the next day and said they would send me the information for me to take my qualification tests.

The next day I found out I was interviewing with the "we don't see people without an appointment" lady, who that day was very polite. She looked at my test scores and was very impressed. Her only concern as she said was that my experience was "all expired". She wasn't sure they would be able to find a company that would want to take someone with 6 year old experience. Of course, that had been my problem for the last year and half! I hated to believe it, but I knew it the whole time. I had used no "real" job skills in the 6 1/2 years! She helped me to feel slightly optimistic when I left, but I was worried. If a large temp service didn't think they could find me work, I was screwed.

Two days later (Friday) they called with a job for me to start the following Monday. That next Friday, they called to say the company wanted to offer me a full time position. Is the job amazing? No. Is it terrible? No, but either way I will certainly do it for a year or so so that I will no longer have the problem of my experience being "expired."

Scheduling Conflicts

Ever have that person you date that completely throws off your schedule? I was dating this guy for quite sometime who’s typical day schedule was to wake up at 1 or 2pm and go to sleep between 5 and 6am. He certainly did not have your typical 9-5 job. He would usually go into work around 10pm and get off work around 4am, but sometimes he got lucky and worked the 5pm-10pm shift. You can imagine what this meant for hanging out. Especially since my work schedule was primarily 1:30pm-11pm at the time, subsequently making my days go from around 10am-2am. Of course, when we were dating we needed to find time to see each other. That time usually came in the late night hours. In fact our first real date was him picking me up to go out for drinks around 11pm. This was obviously a relationship that revolved around bars, late night movies at home and sharing a bed together. In fact the times that we saw each other outside of a bedroom in the daylight were few and far between. I used to think that schedules and relationships like that were fleeting and that once I got older things would be different. Apparently I picked the wrong profession and continue to pick the wrong guys if I wanted my schedule to ever resemble what people in this world consider “normalcy”. In the end though, I can’t complain. Even if I find myself falling asleep (or surprisingly keeping myself awake) waiting until 4:30am when it’s finally time to have “date night” with that special someone. Although I must admit, it is a killer for the following day’s schedule.

Socially Acceptable

I love my neighborhood and I’ve always loved wondering aimlessly taking in my surroundings. So I often find myself out walking around in the evening possibly catching up with friends and family on the phone or just walking and thinking. Where I live now there are ton of houses that I like to refer to as “mini mansions” all around. It’s the type of neighborhood where every house looks as though it could star in a movie all by itself. Circle driveways, long walkways to doorsteps, large patios, 1 floor, 2 floors, Spanish influence, Castle like turrets, gated, non gated, huge trees and red doors. Every one has its own personality and story.

A couple of weeks ago I headed out from my apartment on a walk. Shortly after entering the sidewalk of the main road a car drove by me (which of course, is not unusual for the main street). I did the sort of sideways glance at the car as it passed that most people tend to do while walking down the street. I noticed that the car pulls into a drive about two houses up on the opposite side of the road. A rather nice house, which if you look at the side next to the lake you can see they have a boat dock in the lake with a pool deck/hot tub as well. As I walk up past the house I notice a man probably in his early 40’s get out of his car in the garage and head inside, I feel as though he glanced my way but I was unsure. A couple of seconds later he comes out of the house and heads toward the trash can while calling a hello to me across the street. I return the greeting and begin to continue on my way when he walks toward the end of the drive and asks me, “Did we get any rain here today?” I respond that we did get a good amount for about an hour or so but that was all. He continues to make a little small talk about how we need the rain and I continue with some small polite responses.

The conversation seems to wind down very quickly and just as I believe our exchange is finished and I’m ready to continue with my walk he calls, “Want a beer?” and gestures to his house. Quickly my mind works; I would love to see the inside of that house, this man is definitely older than me, what are his motives, there is a basketball hoop in the drive, I’m only 28 and look young for my age at that, he can’t live in that house alone, two car garage plus an extra car port, does he have a wife? “No thanks,” I reply “I actually just woke up from a nap and am trying to get my body functioning again. Thanks again though.” “Alright,” the man says as he ducks his head and makes his way back into the house.

The last thing I need is to be the subject for the next Lifetime movie.

An Irish Wedding

A few weeks back a friend of mine got married in Ireland. Lucky for me, I was a bridesmaid in the wedding so in a way had to go. I met this particular friend in college and how she met this guy is in fact a story all it's own. A definite sweet one, about how long distance can work, but we can save that for another time. The Groom's side is Irish/English, her side is American. She made sure to prep us all ahead of time for the fact that "the Irish keep the party going all night." The wedding was fantastic but the main character in this story is the Preacher and how during the reception festivities I had what will more than likely be the best conversation with a Preacher I ever have in my lifetime.

My religious background is rather conservative and drinking at a wedding just doesn't happen. Having an Englishman (we'll call him "shot boy") buy me shots around 3am here was a fantastic change from what I typically have to go through. (Actually the wedding festivities would have calmed down hours ago had this been in America and dealing with my family.) Shot Boy had slowly started making moves on me around 2:30am and at 3am he was buying shots and we were dancing. Just before 4am the party began to migrate from the reception hall to the pub across the lobby of the hotel, this was apparently when the Preacher finally decided to call it a night and had the man in the lobby call him a cab. This was also the moment I was entirely shocked to see the Preacher even still there at this time in the morning. As he's sitting in the lobby waiting a group of young men gather around him and Shot Boy puts his arm around me and takes me over to them. This is where he proceeds to drunkenly tell the Preacher that he is "in love." The Preacher looks to me, and I look dumbfounded. I have no clue if this kid is talking about loving me or some other girl he knows, needless to say, I do not in fact love him. As Shot Boy continues to drunkenly ramble the Preacher suddenly says, "just remember, the lower you go the bigger the sin." I couldn't help but laugh at this as well as I can see a sort of double meaning there if you catch my drift. About 5 minutes and more ramblings later the Preacher's cab arrives and as he heads to the door his groupies follow, still chattering away and me still held there by Shot Boy's arm. Before leaving the Preacher turns to me, takes my hand in both of his and says, "Would you like to come home with me and be my housekeeper?" Again, dumbfounded. Is there some sort of Irish custom I don't know about? I think I politely declined, but to be honest that part is a little blurry. What is not blurry however were the Preacher's last moments with us that night. After he released my hand he looked intently to me and intently to Shot Boy and pronounced, "No one will be having sex tonight except for me and my wife," then with a wave he turned and left. Wow. That caught me off guard a bit!

In the end, as far as Shot Boy and I were concerned the Preacher was right. We did not in fact have sex that night. We did however have some nice little make out sessions while dodging in and out of various corridors of the hotel and startling some of the caterers.

The Price We Pay For Amibtion

When you're young with goals it's sometimes hard to find those moments to be with the one you are dating. Especially if you tend to date people who also have goals for themselves. When this happens those at home movie nights and talks turn into seeing each other for about 10 minutes, briefly talk about your day before you pass out dead asleep in bed together (if you are even lucky enough to see each other, sometimes it's just a phone call or a text) and jump out of bed in the morning with maybe a quick kiss and then it's off to work or meetings or the gym, whatever your daily obligations may be. Those nice romantic dinners or nights out are traded in for a quick morning date at Starbucks, in which you have to set your alarm for 30 minutes from when you got there so that neither of you are late to your future engagements. If you're lucky enough to get the whole evening together it is usually because there is some social obligation i.e. birthday parties, going away parties or other big events which really don't allow for a ton of "alone time".

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. Then you see that face or hold that hand and realize that it just might be. When it's been more than a week since we've seen each other though, I highly consider just dating someone lazy who has nothing going on in life. Working around just my schedule would be much easier.

Love Story

I'm in love with a female....

She's a cat and she isn't even mine. Her name is Princess and do you want to know who she belongs to? The guy I'm dating. Yes, the straight man I am currently dating owns a black cat named Princess. At least that is what I thought in the beginning and let me tell you, I definitely began to look for signs that maybe "straight" wasn't the right word for him. In the end though, it turns out that he is in fact straight. The cat however? Not his. It happens to belong to, wait for it, his ex girlfriend. To which my thought is, "awesome" (sarcasm, of course).

How he became to primary care taker of the cat is a somewhat complicated story but I can say that the cat's mother currently lives in Rome and hasn't paid the money for the cat to get it's shots and get transferred across the sea to her. At least the ex isn't going to come showing up randomly at his door right? Glad I get to dodge that bullet. However this does make the situation a little interesting.

If I wanted to pinpoint when this happened I would have to say that it was when I was "house sitting" while the boy was out in LA for 5 days. Let me tell you that was a fun thing to explain, "I have to go feed a cat. It's not mine, it belongs to the ex girlfriend of the guy I'm seeing...." I'm not a huge cat person but I love that girl. She can be sweet and she can be a little bitch. She is spoiled and takes over the apartment. Whenever I go over there it's a quick "hi" to the boy and then off to give Princess some lovin. How did I get here? Of course sometimes I want him to just get rid of the thing. Especially when I see how hard it is for him to deal with having the cat as well as half of his apartment full of other things that belong to his ex (yes, they lived together). How can you get over someone fully with these constant reminders? Occasionally he sort of lets show how bad the relationship ended and hurt him. I have no fears of him still loving her, but maybe losing the cat is the only way for him to fully put it all behind him. Which of course would be hard for me because for some reason, I love that cat.